I’m a lifelong member of the Mormon Church. I grew up in Snowville, a rural Mormon community in the Mountain West. I love the outdoors. I love solitude. I’ve always been someone who loves to read, and can’t ever find enough time for it. I’m married, with kids, and am an active member of my ward.
I’m currently in the midst of what others have called a faith crisis, or alternatively, a faith transition. Most accounts I’ve heard say they can last several months, but mine has been a slow, smoldering transition over most of the last decade or so.
I still attend church regularly with my family. My testimony has undergone major shifts. I used to be a member who could and would get up and say with surety, “I know.” Now, many of the things which I previously believed, I now know not to be true; of many other things, I now can say only, “I hope,” or “I’m choosing to have faith that/in”. This has been a painful transition for me. I’m now in what has been called the Borderlands. I can look outside the church, but can’t see myself happy there. I can look back in to the center, but can’t see how I can ever go fully back either. So I’m struggling along, trying to find some middle ground.